yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
