i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
