Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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