what day is it and did you see me today?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
