And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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