We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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