Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
