dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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