thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
