I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize