you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
