We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
