i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
