"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I didn't shave. On purpose
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
