Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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