To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
