How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
