girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
