Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
