Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sorry my hands just texted you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
