I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
