HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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