Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
