She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
