the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
