Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
