its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize