oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
