Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
