I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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