Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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