i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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