My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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