his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
