For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
