dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize