PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
