forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
