woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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