Soap is not a condiment
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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