Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I understand Curling. That high.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize