I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
