You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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