I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
