Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
