He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
