How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
