He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
