I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
