just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
