how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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