..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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