Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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