***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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