I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
