It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize