They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
