I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
