i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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