what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
