the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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