Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
