1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
