ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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