dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
