I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
