im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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