No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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