i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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