apparently the secret to your success is patron
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
All I want is dick and wine.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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