My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
