I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize