well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
