Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
