george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
