Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
