Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
We left an ass print on the piano.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
