I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
there is glitter all over my balls
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
