He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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