True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
