I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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