Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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