**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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