I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am one with the molecules
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
