Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
