he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
