Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
