I am puke
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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