okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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