you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
