im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
