I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
