Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
