Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And then my night got REAL pukey
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize